Prof. John Kotter places great emphasis on Step 1 of his renowned 8-Step Change Process, which is Create Sense of Urgency. It is something cannot be achieved if we focus solely on the head, and not the heart. All of us experience different feelings while we undergo change, i.e. fearful, confused, excited, angry, uncertain, …etc. These feelings are energy of different forms and intensity. Along the way, when there is a change of energy while the feeling shifts or changes, “aha’ moment takes place, and turns into actions. I equate “Create Sense of Urgency” to “Create Aha Moment” in Coaching, as I see it as a moment of shift of energy, which translates into immediate actions. Taking another Change Leadership Principle by Prof. John Kotter, moving from the “Have to” to the “Want to”.

If so, what meaning does it serve for us as a coach then? It complements from just coaching our coachee to find solution from content perspective, but, coaching our coachee to have a shift in their energy. It extends the focus of the coach from just listening to the content, to observing the energy of the coachee shown by their body language. It gives no ground for coach to judge the right or wrong, but paying attention to the coachee’s energy which is neutral.

That switch of energy is well expressed and witnessed by the different ways the coachees utter the word, “Aha”.

3. “Who makes me so?” vs. “Who could I talk to?”

Rectifying and putting the suspect on our mental trial expands our negative emotions, serving a self fulfilling prophecy of perceived “justice”. But, as we go through this mental search of the perceived “suspect” who contributed to our suffering situation now, it uses up large amount of energy in us, hence, diverts our attention and effort to seek resources which could help us to spiral up from the challenging situation.

Our brain can process only 40 bits of information per second despite a deluge of 11 million pieces of information coming from all our nerve endings. What our brain gives attention to will become our reality.

As such, instead of asking “Who makes me so?”, let’s switch the question to “Who could I talk to?”. Imagine, by doing so, every second, we are putting the 40 bits of information which squeezes through our nerve endings into quality resources to help us manage adversity.

4. “What’s the negative impact of it?” vs. “What areas have this situation impacted?”

We are all good generalist, scoring distinction for generalizing almost everything we come into contact. We do so even more when we are under acute pressure during hard times. The moment the thought process begins by scanning ALL the negative impacts we witness, we immediately conclude we are in a complete disastrous position.

In order for us to counter our default thinking process, instead of “What’s the negative impact of it?”, let’s try this question, “What areas have this situation impacted?”. Of course, it will be additional mileage for us, should we ask the subsequent question of “What areas then have the situation impacted positively?”.

5. “What have I lost?” vs. “What have I gained?”

Post traumatic growth (PTG) suggests set backs as spring board for growth. We may have lost a great fortune in the troubling state, but, never undermine the gain we inherit from the process.

We achieved TOGETHER as a TEAM, not only the set company sales target, but, 2 times more than what was planned.Thanks to this bold and courageous voice which allows me to be a leader, a leader who experiences trust, support, and playing a role called “follower”.

A few supporting mindset for a leader to allow the followers to lead:

1. Be clear and conscious of our INTENTION

2. Be ready to TAKE RISKS, failures, or, mistakes

3. With the switch of roles, RE-DEFINE and CO-CREATE the roles and responsibilities we play as a team to achieve our goals

4. Follow through by adopting HELICOPTER LEADERSHIP. Elevate our role to be a culture builder, not a culture buster. For example, look and affirm for the good, recognize excellence and ask questions.

One of the NO-NOs is inconsistency of the ownership and accountability. From my little experience shared above, the real test for me as leader came after that when we executed our business plans. We had lots of small wins before achieving our goals, but, at the same time, there were moments when we were faced with challenges. These were the moments which I had fear, mis-trust, uncertainties, frustrations, doubts…. etc.

My “aha” moment during difficult times like this were, “These feelings are real, and it is difficult. But, these are not challenges caused by others, the team, or even the external factors. These are feelings within me, for me to face it, and embrace it, as I elevate to the next level of leadership”

This is my life long leadership lesson, which I still keep it with me till today.

I celebrate,
• for the authenticity, truthfulness, and courage in her to express her anger in such a free, bold and candid way
• for her breakthrough to find her own language to express her feelings, and own her story, her way!
• for this beautiful moment, which both of us are connected with a common lingo we speak.

The heart of the story

I fully love and subscribe to how Brené Brown defines COURAGE,

“Courage is a HEART word. The root of the word courage is cor—the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant ‘To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’ Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences—good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as ‘ordinary courage.’”

Not all rides in life are on merry-go-round with joyful and pleasant feelings. When someone’s HEART is at a space of bad experiences, and wish to take a MAD-Go-Round ride,

• Do we give them a ticket, and time to take that ride?

Establishing a common lingo is important. It is a lingo we develop and speak often when our emotions are not challenged. It is like regularly taking the same route through the bushes, until it forms a walking path, getting ready and visibly there when we need to run.

Another important factor is time. Imagine a child who enjoys her merry-go-round ride so much that he keeps pleading for another ride. Likewise, with MAD-go-round, it takes time for someone to own and share their experiences.

• How are we supporting them as they are taking that ride?

Listen! Listen! Listen!

• How do we develop a safe space mind space for them to take that ride?

No judgement, accept them fully as a person.

Another quote by Brené Brown, “The MIDDLE is messy, but it’s also where the MAGIC happens.”

And, my extension to Brené Brown’s quote above,

Be the one who TAKE them to the MIDDLE, BE with them in the MIDDLE, and CELEBRATE the MAGICAL MOMENT TOGETHER!